


because within this pitch black darkness, you are shining so brightly

by itoshinomatirudo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blindness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 06:35:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10611267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itoshinomatirudo/pseuds/itoshinomatirudo
Summary: What Junmyeon has always seen, Jongin has always felt. And this how obscurity is what leads them to one another.





	

_Obscurity._

If Kim Junmyeon had to pick one word to describe himself, it would be _obscurity_ , because this is all he had been seeing his whole life.

He hadn’t realised that he was not like the other kids until quite late, when he had wondered why it was that he knew how to read before everyone else.   
Junmyeon was a smart kid. Since he couldn’t see much, his parents had decided that he should be taught how to read at an early age to satisfy his need to learn that he developed when he was still so young. This is what Junmyeon preferred the most. Learning, learning and learning again, although there was another thing that would enthral him even more: _music_.  
As a kid, he would spend hours listening to music, trying to guess which instrument was playing and how different an A flat and a G minor sounded. By the age of seven he learnt how to play the piano and by the age of twelve, he would write his own songs and learn how to rap. Composing was his way to put into words his own colours in the dark world he would experience every day.  
School was easy for him – almost too easy. Everything was a bit too easy for Junmyeon, considering how smart he was. “My handicap never really handicapped me,” was what he would always think.   
That was exactly why he ended up in one of the most prestigious universities of Seoul, studying music. He had wanted to pick a safer carrier path, something along the lines of law or economy, but his parents had talked him into doing that he loved and their son couldn’t be more thankful.

So there he was, making his way to class, one hand on his best friend’s backpack, following his pace. Junmyeon was also so grateful of Jongdae, his nice yet quite grumpy best friend, who had worked so hard to enter the same university as the other, not to let him down.   
Of course, Jongdae would never admit that. But Junmyeon knew.   
He knew how many nights Jongdae wasted making music, writing, studying and doing the best he could every time to get in this specific university, which he ultimately did.   
Junmyeon wasn’t even surprised. That’s how good and how hardworking his best friend was.

“What kind of person decides that 8AM is a decent time to have classes?” Jongdae complained. That’s what Jongdae always did. He complained whenever he had the opportunity to.

“Told you to go to bed earlier instead of working all night,” Junmyeon shrugged.

“And I should listen to you because you’re my mother, is that right?” the black-haired one retorted, a small smirk on his face and Junmyeon couldn’t hold a little chuckle.

They had known each other for so much time (probably more than ten years) that it was how most of their conversations went, except when Jongdae was silent, as well as Junmyeon. The two of them felt comfortable with each other like this.  
They kept making their way to their first class, Jongdae carefully guiding the other through the campus. Junmyeon knew the path by heart, but his friend always made it without obstacles, making everything easier for the elder. Junmyeon trusted his best friend so he always took this time not to follow thoroughly, but rather to pay attention to his surroundings, to listen to everything actively.  
People running everywhere; most probably first years that have lost their way again.  
The hot smell of the bad coffee they serve at the cafeteria.  
The breathing of his best friend. Steady. Junmyeon couldn’t often say when Jongdae was nervous with his breathing always so steady.  
The same group of third years that complain about the math class they have every Tuesday morning.  
The pace of his guide, as steady as his breathing.  
And the choked sob coming from who seemed to be a kid.  
The last one, he was not used to hearing; yet he did hear it. The brown-haired man suddenly stopped in the middle of the stairs he was climbing with Jongdae, who was forced to make a stop.

“What?” the voice of his best friend came through, almost bothered by the stopping of Junmyeon.

“Something is off. You hear that?” he knew he didn’t have to ask such a stupid question. Due to his lack of vision, he always heard more than anyone else, anyway.

“Probably the teacher reprimanding us because we are already late. C’mon, let’s go.” Jongdae didn’t want to lose more time since it was going to be 8:00. He wanted to keep walking, to arrive on time, but his best friend, still unmoving, decided otherwise. “Junmyeon, seriously. What’s up?”

“I don’t know yet,” Junmyeon admitted while unfolding his white cane. Jongdae observed him doing so, a frown on his face. “Let me just check. You go to class, I’ll catch up.”

As soon as he said that, Junmyeon counted the stairs on his way back. The shorter didn’t understand why he was such in a hurry, but decided to shrug it off with a sigh.   
He knew that when something wasn’t right, Junmyeon couldn’t help but make it right again. Jongdae didn’t know exactly why. However he never interfered. 

“Don’t get lost, moron,” was all Jongdae said before going to his first class. Junmyeon appreciated the response his best friend and smiled on his way back.

After going down the stairs, Junmyeon took a deep breath and listened carefully to his surroundings once again. Where did that sound come from? Was it really someone crying?  
On his left. That was where he had heard the sob and that was where he was heading, his cane in his right hand. 

He didn’t really use his cane, unless he was alone and going somewhere he didn’t know. Junmyeon had always had this sixth sense that would allow him to imagine his entire environment and almost see it like anyone else could. He knew how to go from his apartment to university, knew how many stairs there were everywhere – he was always counting them, knew the way to the cafeteria and even knew quite a big part of the city. Nobody could explain how he did this, Junmyeon wasn’t so sure himself, but what mattered is that he did. “That’s how smart he is,” Jongdae often thought to himself.  
He was always trying to understand how his best friend could apprehend this dark world of his. But of course, Jongdae would never admit that.

On his way to the left corner where he heard the weep, Junmyeon was lucky enough not to run into anyone because it happened a lot, considering how clumsy he was. The closer he got to the place, the louder he could hear the cry, until he reached what seemed like the right spot.

“Hello? Someone’s here?” he tried asking. He wanted to make sure that he heard the sound well and mostly he wanted to make sure the sobbing person was okay. “I know it may sound a bit dumb to ask such a question, but you see...” Junmyeon didn’t even try to explain himself and lifted his white cane to show it to whoever was there.

“You okay?” he asked once again, trying to sound as tender as he could.

No answer.   
Junmyeon thought he was driving himself crazy but the sob, the breathing, it had all sounded so real. Still did. He cleared his throat, tried to focus one more time on the weep, but it had stopped. It had stopped when he arrived. Nevertheless, he was sure someone was there, because he could hear the person’s struggle to breathe properly. And before he could speak up again, a half-choked voice pierced through the quiet corner of the campus:

“I’m sorry. I’m–“

The voice rapidly stopped as the sob stopped a few seconds ago. Junmyeon let escape a small and nervous laugh out of his lips before taking a step closer to squat down just in front of the person. The other tried to stable his breathing but he couldn’t make it. He just couldn’t make it.

\---

_Cursed._

If Kim Jongin had to pick one word to describe himself, it would be _cursed_ , because this is how he had always been feeling his whole life.

He hated speaking about his own self though.  
“Why should I tell such a boring story?” what was he would always said to himself whenever he thought about opening up to people. He had spent a common childhood with his caring parents and grandmother. Everything that he wanted, Jongin had; that’s how easy it was. He never complained, he grew up learning how lucky he was to have such a great family to support and love him.  
He quickly developed a passion for music, as well as for dancing. He used to dance around a lot when he was a kid. Dancing was his way to make everything better. His family always loved the way Jongin danced, his grandmother being the proudest of them all.   
But Jongin was an anxious kid. From as long as he could remember, he had never felt at ease. That’s how his brain had always been functioning. Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, feeling of worthlessness and dark, very dark thoughts; he had gone through it all and still did. When he danced, it was the only time he felt peaceful and most importantly happy. Existing felt easier.  
When Jongin had graduated from high school to enter one of the best universities in Seoul for a dance major, he had to leave his home and his family, who had always been living in the countryside. It broke his heart. Things got worse. He got worse.  
Alone in the enormous city that was Seoul, he had been _swallowed up_ in his own anxiety.

This morning felt like the start of a bad day. That was the curse of Kim Jongin. He would get up and either feel ready to face the world or feel ready to run away from it.  
He left his apartment after taking some anxiolytic, aware of the aching pain arising in his heart.

“Stay calm and breathe, stay calm and breathe, please stay calm and breathe, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay,” Jongin thought to himself, trying follow his own reassuring words. Although it never worked that way, he always tried. Just in case.

He lived only a few hundred meters from the university, but on bad days, it felt like kilometres and kilometres and kilometres. He wished that someone would be here to help him on his way, but he was usually alone. Yes, Jongin could get to know people, sometimes, but he could not make friends. It was too complicated to actually talk to someone, instead of casually rambling about classes and dance with other students.

So there he was, making his way to university, on his own. The words he relentlessly played in his head like a broken record didn’t help. He knew he was about to explode. He knew it. However, he had no choice but to keep on walking and to attend his first dance class of the day.   
He felt like his shaky legs couldn’t carry him anymore, yet he actually arrived on the campus. He didn’t know how he could have got there, considering how sick, how stressed, how heavy he felt.

“Shit.”

The word slipped out.  
Jongin stopped in the middle of the courtyard of the campus. His ears were buzzing too loudly, his vision got blurry too fast, his heart was beating up way too irregularly and his legs were trembling too much. He violently grabbed his shirt, right where his throbbing chest was rising and falling, up and down, up and down at a crazy rhythm. He could feel the noises around him slowly consuming him.  
Too much.  
Too much.  
It was way too much.  
Every time this kind of thing would happen, Jongin felt like dying. He felt like dying because despite the fact that his breathing would speed up, he felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore.  
And that was right when he felt tears rolling down his face that he started running. He didn’t want to cry in the middle of the courtyard. He didn’t want to cry at all. He never knew how he was able to run this fast when he felt like his powerless body would collapse on the ground at any second; yet Jongin ran until he found an empty corner in the campus.  
His whole body burnt so much that he almost fell, letting himself sit down. In these moments, he would always think of his family through his choked sobs, but it wasn’t enough.

“Shit. Calm down, calm down, please don’t die, please don’t die,” he tried to tell himself, tears streaming down his pale face. He wanted to make his inner voice louder than the painful ringing sound still going on in his brain.   
At that moment, Jongin lost track of time. He never knew how many seconds, minutes; even hours would go by before he could calm down. All that he knew is that the world kept on spinning. All he could do was to breathe in short ragged gasps. He felt like throwing up.

“You okay?”

His heart stopped beating for one second when he heard something that sounded like the worried voice of someone. Still he wasn’t able to breathe properly, but he heard that. He didn’t even mean to do so, but he stopped sobbing instantly, unintentional tears still pouring down his face. He lifted his head he had hidden in his pulled up legs against his chest and indeed, someone was here. He couldn’t see much though. His brain couldn’t function properly – as well as his breathing – in this kind of situation, so Jongin couldn’t focus on the other person.  
He felt like everything was crumbling down. He didn’t want anyone to see him like that.

“I’m sorry. I’m–“

He couldn’t finish his sentence. Jongin just couldn’t make it. Instead of holding his crossed legs against his weak upper body, he clasped his hands to the sides of his ears, hoping that the person would disappear as soon as he would close his red eyes and shut himself away from everything.  
It was a bad day. A very, very bad day.  
He still tried to breathe. “There’s air everywhere, there’s space, and everything is fine, just breathe like everybody else fucking does!” he yelled in his own throbbing head.

Since he just squatted down, Junmyeon unfolded his white cane to put it on the side of his backpack, where it belonged. He was so focused he could almost see the poor kid in front of him. Junmyeon could hear everyone’s breathing when he focused. He felt sorry for the other. He could understand how painful it could feel considering the irregular rhythm of the younger’s breathing.  
And suddenly Jongin felt a chubby hand patting his upper-arm, making its way to the top of his skull, gently, slowly, uncertainly. His whole body froze at the touch of someone else. It reminded him of his grandmother who would always try to calm him down whenever he felt bad. It had been months since the last time he visited his family and this warm feeling he had almost forgotten was agreeable.  
Junmyeon stroked the hair of the younger with his muscular fingers. Jongin couldn’t help but to release the pressure he was applying against his ears with his hands.

“Your hair is so soft. It feels kinda nice,” the elder almost whispered, a tender look on his face. Jongin heard him despite the endless drumming sound in his brain. To be honest he didn’t understand why the other would say such odd things in a situation like this. However the younger focused on the caress he felt on his hair and the calm voice of the stranger.  
Junmyeon could feel the body of the other shaking quite violently and he felt even sorrier than a few minutes ago. He couldn’t have imagined that his acute hearing would have led him to an actual crying kid in a corner. He gulped. He didn’t really know what to do in this kind of situation but decided to take a chance.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Junmyeon started, as tender as he could sound, “I heard you from the entry of the first building of the university nearby. I thought I was crazy. I’m sure my friend thought I was crazy too, when he saw me leaving to go find you.”

A little chuckle escaped out of the mouth of the elder and Jongin started to feel a bit more in control again. He needed something to reconnect him back with reality. He suddenly grabbed the right knee of the man in front of him, squeezing the trousers the other was wearing. Junmyeon’s eyes widened for a second but he didn’t say anything. He let the smaller do whatever he had to do to calm down. He kept on stroking his hair. Jongin smelt like the ocean; fresh yet husky. Junmyeon liked it.

“Well, I don’t blame him. I mean, I’d have done the same thing with him. But you see, I’m quite a weird guy and he knows that so he didn’t say anything. I’m glad I found you though. I almost ran into someone on my way here, you know that? I know I’m clumsy, that’s why I usually have my friend to guide me, but...”

For a few long minutes that felt like hours for Jongin the elder kept on talking with his steady low voice. He told the dancer how many glasses he had broken, how many people he crashed into, how many times he tripped. That’s _how_ clumsy Kim Junmyeon was. However his mother always said that it was what made him so charming; he would always laugh at the remark.  
Listening to such a tender and calm voice helped Jongin a lot. He could still feel his heart pounding and his hands slightly shaking but he felt like he could breathe again and felt his body relaxing. He took a big gasp of air and let it out very slowly, painlessly this time. He opened his eyes again. The light was a bit too bright for a second but he wiped away what was left of his dried shed tears on his cheeks, letting go the right knee of the smaller.  
The latter noticed the gesture and stopped talking, removing his hand from Jongin’s hair. The beating of the other’s heart was not perfectly regular, but it was close enough. Junmyeon released a reassured breath he didn’t realised he had been holding since he encountered the dancer.

“Feeling better?”

Jongin offered a nod to answer the question before really focusing on the other man. He had a nice smile. Jongin frowned a bit when he noticed black spectacles on the nose of the smaller. He had brown shaved hair on the sides and longer hair everywhere else.  
Unexpectedly Junmyeon started to giggle softly a few seconds after he asked his question. His cheekbones showed up even more when he laughed.

“Did you just nod?”

“Well,” Jongin didn’t know how to respond. How was that funny? He cleared his throat and pushed his hair back, trying to understand the situation, but gave up quickly to answer, “Yeah.” He was relieved that his voice didn’t sound as hoarse as he expected it to.

The brown-haired man laughed even a bit more under Jongin’s surprised gaze.

“Don’t get me wrong. I just wanted to make sure.”

Instead of explaining himself Junmyeon unfolded his cane again and showed it to the younger, whose eyes widened. Jongin blushed and chuckled a little bit with embarrassment:

“Oh. Sorry, I-I haven’t realised. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Junmyeon reassured the other with a smile, “it’s all good. Do you think you can stand up?”

The taller was about to nod when he stopped and answered with a quiet “yes” before he tried to stand on his two feet. Junmyeon did the same, digging his cane in the ground for a better support. Jongin was careful, still afraid that his weary legs would give up on him; fortunately they didn’t. He looked around him to know where he was exactly but he couldn’t figure it out. He wiped the dust off his clothes and looked more carefully at the man again. Indeed his gaze was off. He wasn’t really looking directly at Jongin but _towards_ Jongin – not that the latter minded anyway.  
The younger knew that he had to say something. He wanted to thank the other man, to know his name, to explain himself, to reassure him completely but he didn’t really know where to start. Jongin stopped looking at the man to look at the ground, trying to find inspiration.

“I’m glad you’re all right, now. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do,” the elder chuckled again.

“Thank you,” Jongin finally said. He looked up to meet the sunglasses of the other before clearing his throat again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this, and it’s–“

“Well, I didn’t _actually_ saw you like this so I guess it’s okay, isn’t it?”

Jongin blinked several times when he heard the brown-haired man saying that, a proud smile spread across his face. It was quite a bad joke, to be honest. The smaller was a bit embarrassed but ended up laughing too, feeling his heart less heavy than a few seconds ago. He still didn’t feel exactly at ease speaking to another person, especially when the guy seemed older than him; however he felt a bit more comfortable than usual. Probably because he didn’t have to bear someone else’s gaze on himself.  
On the other hand Junmyeon liked the younger. The way he laughed warmed his heart and his voice sounded as soft as his hair. He seemed so fragile yet so natural. Most people would thread on thin ice around him due to the fact he couldn’t see and he hated it. He was just like anyone else, minus the vision. But it didn’t make him easily breakable; only different. That didn’t mean he couldn’t be valued like anyone else was. Jongin understood that.

Junmyeon took his phone out of his left pocket and tapped on the screen to make the phone tell him the time. 8:27. If Jongdae were beside him, he would have said something along the lines of “You’re screwed, moron” and the thought made Junmyeon grin. Jongin realised he was late too when he heard what time it was, checking his watch in the hope that it was earlier than that but it wasn’t. He let a sigh out, cleared his throat for the hundredth time and was about to speak when Junmyeon talked first:

“Well, I should go to class. Maybe it’s too late but it’s worth a shot going back there, right? You should go home and take some rest. You must be tired,” the smaller worried.

“You’re right,” Jongin said in a rush, as if he was too afraid to speak his own words. He took a deep breath. “Actually, I have classes too. It’s alright. Do you... Do you mind showing me the way?”

“Not at all,” Junmyeon shouted joyfully – maybe too joyfully, actually. He was just happy to be someone’s guide, for once. He proceeded to lift his left hand towards Jongin, with another kind smile. “I’m Kim Junmyeon, by the way.”

The gesture made the dancer’s eyes widen a little bit. He didn’t really do handshakes. He always felt self-conscious touching someone else, but he couldn’t refuse. He gathered his courage not to seem impolite, trembling a little bit. He took the other’s hand in his own and Junmyeon wrapped his fingers around Jongin’s hand.   
It was as soft as his voice and as his hair but also seemed as fragile as Jongin. The latter realised that his hand was bigger than Junmyeon’s and let escape an awkward laugh out of his mouth. He felt so stupid, but Junmyeon didn’t mind. He understood and let go of the taller’s hand after shaking it.  
Jongin couldn’t say that he wasn’t surprised because he was. Junmyeon was so kind to him. Most people didn’t understand him; they always thought that he was rude, shy and weird, but Junmyeon was not like most people. It felt nice. He couldn’t see but he understood and noticed how others could feel so easily. Jongin couldn’t help but crack up a timid smile, before answering, his voice as soft as ever:

“I’m Kim Jongin. Nice to meet you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much reading !
> 
> I read something about a blind Namjoon called "Look Here" by Bazooka and it just made me feel like I wanted to give it a go and try to write a blind character myself. And I loved it.  
> I also wanted to write something with two characters that are just familiar with darkness in two different ways.  
> I hope you like it as much as I liked writing this.
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments and kudos ♡


End file.
